Addie's Hope

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Real Life

Real life at our house is me on the computer constantly.  I can often be found sitting on in my favorite chair, surrounded by three phones (home, cell and work), my intake log for work, a book I am reading to help me with kids in my class, and lesson plans. We're all counting the days until the holidays when there will be a little bit of a break.

Real life at our house is a rotting pumpkin on the front porch that might accidentally get pushed into the front flower bed in hopes of a pumpkin plant eventually growing.

Real life at our house is Chuck on Mondays, Parenthood on Tuesday, Friday Night Lights and Modern Family on Wednesdays, The Office and Grey's Anatomy on Thursdays, Good Guys on Fridays and Football ALL weekend long (even if B is not home).

Real life at our house is finding diabetic testing strips everywhere - in the carpet, in our beds, under furniture, in our pockets, stuck in A Bear's hair :) .....EVERYWHERE!

Real life at our house is putting puzzles together, listening to too much Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift!

Real life at our house is Christmas music in November, Parenthood TV Soundtrack, and silence at the crack of dawn when I am the only one up.

Real life at our house is shoes everywhere....since unfortunately my girls inherited the desire to kick them off the moment they enter the house.

Real life at our house is an unmade bed that I can't wait to crawl into every night.  Still sleeps the same as a made one :)

Real life is rarely getting a whole night's sleep due to diabetes or just the fear of diabetes (I try to give this one to God all the time!)

Real life at our house is dollhouse toys, stuffed animals, fancy clothes, girls who love football, and two big girls who adore their baby sister. 

Real life at our house is an easy dinner - how I love thee, bowls of cereal, chicken nuggets or pasta with butter and garlic salt.

Real life at our house is crazy and busy and chaotic and stressful and wonderful. 

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween and the D Life

Friday night we were reminded once again that we cannot just cut loose and enjoy ourselves 100% without any worry.  Diabetes lurks at the back of our minds and is constantly a thought we have when there is tons of candy involved as well as lots of activity and excitement!!!
We headed to our church's Fall Country Fair.  A Bear was thrilled to go play and see her friends.  We don't let her get wind of our worry, but I am sure she senses we are a little more tense than usual and a little bit more "hawk like" when escorting her to all the booths that are so fun for the kids.  A little part of me was thankful that most of the booths were play and take your candy booths, not stay and eat to play!  She did get quite a loot!  I hate that I have to say no to the lemonade and cotton candy,  I hate that the cupcakes she won at the cake walk, as well as the ones her sister won, will probably never be eaten since we have no clue what is in them.  I hate that we have to carry a candy cheat sheet with us to these events and she has to be diligent in asking us before every piece of candy meets her sweet lips!
Last year she sold all her candy to her Grandpa for a pretty penny.  Since he is coming at the end of this week for A Bear's first ever JDRF walk, I wonder if the offer will be extended this year as well.  I would much rather Addie get some toy or cd that she wants than have to have the battle of when and how much candy to eat on any given day. The little things of the D life eat me up some times.  But we move on and enjoy these sweet memories!  A Bear is all the stronger for it.

Checking BG before we eat a hotdog! 
Jesse, Hammy and Little Bo Peep
  The D Life in Halloween - Cheat sheet for candy carb count, 
kit with all the d goodies and treats from the cake walk that 
we will probably just throw away!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The D life Sucks....blood, energy, sleep and many more things from us

Our Addie Bear
Diagnosed 2/26/09

I am not really sure where to start this post. It has been a long time since I blogged. There are many reasons for this, but none more pressing than the effect that diabetes has on our daily lives. Our whole family manages this disease with a smile on our faces. We go through the motions of what it takes to keep our little girl safe. But in reality our lives have been turned upside down by this disease.

We no longer get the sleep that we so desperately need. I am no longer a stay at home mom due to insurance costs, copays, medical debt and regular debt that has accrued over the past year and a half. I have to work to pay for those things. My husband works really hard to be able to pay for these things too. We are not working for extra fun money...every cent of every dollar that we earn is spent on our basic living expenses and MEDICAL costs.

But you know what - we press on and we accrue debt, and we are on a first name basis with the people at our pharmacy and I have the school nurse on speed dial. We do this because we love our precious Addie Bear.

We lose sleep and have fear that grows inside of us daily; when the phone rings unexpectedly, when we hear the words "I feel low", when our sweet daughter become stubborn and refuses to check her blood sugar. When we are made aware again of the ramifications of this disease.

The DOC (Diabetes Online Community) is a wonderful resource for getting support and having people you can go to that understand everything you are saying. But the DOC also reminds us of the complications of this disease. Especially this week.

Brent and I were stopped in our tracks this week when we learned of a sweet 13 year old Type 1 diabetic who died unexpectedly overnight. A little piece of our hearts died with that news. We are aware of the complications and we are aware of what can happen. But this made it real. The founder of the DOC board that we read came on and gave us some information about "the dead in bed" syndrome. Something that every parent of a child with diabetes fears to no end.

Brent checked Addie Bear even more last night. I hugged her even tighter today. I am sure we will not sleep soundly again for weeks, unless it is of pure exhaustion.

But despite all this craziness, debt, sleepless nights, and tears that we shed over our little girl, we have hope. We have hope and faith in the Lord.

No matter how much we love our Addie Bear, God loves her more.

No matter how much we want to protect our little girl, God wants to protect and care for her more.

Every night and every day, I have to make the conscious decision to give her to our all mighty Lord and trust that His will and His plan are the best for our little girl. This is not always easy, but I have faith in the Lord.

He has brought us through valley after valley with this little angel. He knows the full picture of her story and we are blessed to be a part of it.

I hope and pray that the other d-moms and d-dads are able to trust in the Lord and find rest in His arms. My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

So for now, I will pray for the dear family that did all they could do to care for their daughter, I will pray for all children affected by this disease, I will pray for all the siblings of Type 1 diabetics (because their worlds are rocked by this disease too), I will pray for rest in my maker's arms, and I will pray for the fear to be removed from my heart as well as my husband's, so we can enjoy our time and journey with our sweet Addie Bear.

God is good all the time; ALL the time, God is good.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

My little Monkey

My little monkey consumes the majority of my life and I love that little girl with a passion. Here are some of my favorite things about her. In no particular order. There are tons more, but these are the ones that came to mind right away.

* How she marches around a room with a spring in her step and her little arm pumping.
* Her big toothy grin - a glimpse into the cute personality.
* How she lifts her shirt and rubs her belly when she wants to go swimming.
* How she runs from me after getting out of the tub enjoying the pure joy of being naked.
* How she puts her hands side by side, fingers stretched out, when she wants something.
* How fearless she is.
* How she dances, hops and spins just about every day. This girl has rhythm and loves music!
* How sweet and loving she is towards her babies, her sisters and Rosie.
* How she does "uppie" without even knowing it.
* How she loves her sisters, MM and A Bear.
* Her crazy mess of curls.
* How she freely gives kisses.
* How she speaks a totally different language with inflection at all the right places.
* How she reverses to sit down in your lap.
* How much she loves me, even though I'm totally unworthy.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Children's Museum Visit

With the temperatures rising, we are always looking for fun things to do to stay in the A/C. So recently we visited the local Children's Museum and all the girls had a great time.

Our little Picaso
M&A loving dress-up time

Love E Belle's reflection here
Valentine Elf???
Budding Mozart maybe!
Fairy A Bear
All the girls love shopping - can't wait until they pay the bill!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Summer Fun

Since school has been out we have been filling our time with lots of fun. We have done art projects, including painting dinosaurs and corn syrup painting as well as catching up on movies, grilling out with friends and being in the water. We have already spent a large amount of time in the pool and the lake. And today we are headed to an animal program at the local library, having a friend for a playdate and lunch and a powersports birthday party later! In my spare time I am supposed to be packing the girls and I to go to NB for a week. (We are leaving tomorrow) E and I are going to hang at the folks' house while m and a go to Day camp. It should be an interesting week since Modge is still in the hospital and Podge has to go back to work. Not quite sure how it will go but I am hoping that I can be a blessing where I am needed.

I will post some more of the girls end of the events on here soon. But for now I leave you with a video of Baby E in the tub the other night. She started to say her prayers for me but got sidetracked with big sis. Enjoy!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Thoughts about the D-Life

I read this post this morning and it was as if someone was in my head and wrote my thoughts for me...(the changes in red our my thoughts)

My Perspective -- Lost or Closer to Love?

A few weeks ago, the wonderful Meri wrote a post called LOST. It was awesome. It was profound. It was funny. It was everything that Meri is!

And it made me think.

I don't watch the tv show Lost. But Meri was talking about how the D life can be compared to Lost. How we all got shipwrecked on this island. We did not choose to come here. And we can't leave.

Meri says...

"The characters on LOST this season are in the process of finding out which
would be better…a life where they NEVER landed on the island and NEVER witnessed that trials and horror that existed there, or a life living through the hell on the island, and growing because of it. Loving more. Feeling more. Living more.
Each life brought a different set of values and completely different life perspectives. BUT! It is important to point out that both lives have value and both are worth living.

The running theory for the LOST finale, is that the characters will have a choice…they have lived the life with the island, and they have lived a parallel life where the island never existed. Knowing what they have learned, knowing that both lives have molded them into different people…which life will they ultimately choose? I think they will all choose differently. And I think in our community, it would be the same way. "


What would I choose?

I have a very hard time saying that I would choose THIS life. This D life. Because it does not just affect me. It's not just MY life. It's ADDIE'S life. She is the one who suffers the feelings of high and low blood sugar. It's her body. It's her eyes, and heart, and nerves, and liver, and pancreas. She is the one who will live with complications. She is the one who endures 10 finger sticks every day. She is the one is always connected to a pump. She is the one. It's HER life. And I never take for granted the sobering reality that this disease could take her from us in the middle of the night - with no warning.

So how could I choose that life for her?

I'm not sure I can.

But... if I could be promised that she would live a long and healthy life..... maybe.

For me? It's easier for me. Without Addie put in the mix, I WOULD choose this life.

Yes, I may be crazy. Yes, I realize how hard this road is. Trust me, I know how much it hurts. And I do not expect you to understand or agree with me. If you were to choose a different life, I would find absolutely no fault in that.

But for me....

The past year has been the absolute hardest year of my life. I have slept very little. I have worried A LOT. I have cried. I have sobbed. I have thought that I could not go on.

And... I have learned. I have changed. I have become a different person.

I believe that we were chosen for this life. I believe that God has a plan for us and for some reason, our path includes diabetes. I don't know why. But I trust Him. I know He works all things for good. I know He is always with us. So how could I NOT choose the path that God wants for me?

Because of diabetes, I have a new perspective. I see things differently. My priorities are different. My heart is different.

I've talked many times about being able to see the beauty in the small things. I try hard to notice the small beauties in our world and appreciate them. The pretty wildflower growing along the side of the road. The day of good numbers. The long hugs. The little kisses. The smile on my daughter's face. A beautiful sunset. A dinner with friends.

I try not to take it for granted. And for some reason, that's easier now.

I see more clearly what is important. REALLY important.

It's health. It's family. It's good friends.

I love my job. I love working with children and teaching them to love the Lord and preschool skills. I think that teaching has been my calling for many years.

But guess what? On the worst day of my life - it was not my job that was there for me. It was my family and my friends.

It's so easy to get caught up in the little things.... who said what about who, what extra things the girls are doing, sending your child to the "elite" school, getting your way and being right....

But those are the "little" things... It's not that they are not important. It's not that they don't matter. But all of that- the job, the schools, the clothes, the gossip... It's all temporary. It won't last. Storms will come - of that we can be certain. And not everything will withstand the storm.

The ONLY things that last in this life are family and friends. And I am blessed to have a wonderful family. And I am blessed to have dear friends. Who love me. Who are there for me. Who don't leave me during the storm.

Like Meri, I believe that I am a different person because of diabetes.

And while I may hate what this disease does to my child.... I may hate the fact that we don't sleep and are perpetually exhausted.... I may hate the tediousness of it, the never endingness of the care.... I may hate that playdates, extra activities, school days are always times of worry...I may hate just about everything about diabetes....

I am thankful for the lessons I have learned. The lessons that I continue to learn every day.

Because I KNOW what is important in my life. I KNOW what will stand the test of time. I KNOW.

I know in a way that makes everything else fade. It makes everything else seem like static in the background.

I know in a way that I would not, could not have known without diabetes.

And so I will hold tight to my family and friends. I will keep fighting this disease. And I will offer up a prayer of thanks for the new perspective that is guiding my life.

Because I am not Lost. I know the way.

It reminds me of this song...
Closer to Love by Matt Kearney

She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away

She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees

If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away

Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love

Cause you are all that I've waited for all of my life
You are all that I've waited all of my life

You pull me closer to love
Closer to love

Diabetes may do alot of things to my daughter. It might do a lot of things to our family. But it has made us stronger. It has shown us what is important. And it's brought us closer... closer to love.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

MOPS friends

E Belle is already getting the boys :)
Little B
Miss C
The newest MOPPET - Little L
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Where is E Belle?

A Bear had the idea to make E Belle look like E.T.
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Debbie's Surprise Birthday

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Look like E.T.???

This was A Bear's idea!
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A Bear found one of the only pair of heels that I own...she took them for her own one afternoon and this is the result. Strut your stuff girl!

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My Girls

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More signing day with the fans

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Aggie Autograph Day

Starting early...
Jeff Fuller
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Cousins at Easter

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