Our Addie Bear
I am not really sure where to start this post. It has been a long time since I blogged. There are many reasons for this, but none more pressing than the effect that diabetes has on our daily lives. Our whole family manages this disease with a smile on our faces. We go through the motions of what it takes to keep our little girl safe. But in reality our lives have been turned upside down by this disease.
We no longer get the sleep that we so desperately need. I am no longer a stay at home mom due to insurance costs, copays, medical debt and regular debt that has accrued over the past year and a half. I have to work to pay for those things. My husband works really hard to be able to pay for these things too. We are not working for extra fun money...every cent of every dollar that we earn is spent on our basic living expenses and MEDICAL costs.
But you know what - we press on and we accrue debt, and we are on a first name basis with the people at our pharmacy and I have the school nurse on speed dial. We do this because we love our precious Addie Bear.
We lose sleep and have fear that grows inside of us daily; when the phone rings unexpectedly, when we hear the words "I feel low", when our sweet daughter become stubborn and refuses to check her blood sugar. When we are made aware again of the ramifications of this disease.
The DOC (Diabetes Online Community) is a wonderful resource for getting support and having people you can go to that understand everything you are saying. But the DOC also reminds us of the complications of this disease. Especially this week.
Brent and I were stopped in our tracks this week when we learned of a sweet 13 year old Type 1 diabetic who died unexpectedly overnight. A little piece of our hearts died with that news. We are aware of the complications and we are aware of what can happen. But this made it real. The founder of the DOC board that we read came on and gave us some information about "the dead in bed" syndrome. Something that every parent of a child with diabetes fears to no end.
Brent checked Addie Bear even more last night. I hugged her even tighter today. I am sure we will not sleep soundly again for weeks, unless it is of pure exhaustion.
But despite all this craziness, debt, sleepless nights, and tears that we shed over our little girl, we have hope. We have hope and faith in the Lord.
No matter how much we love our Addie Bear, God loves her more.
No matter how much we want to protect our little girl, God wants to protect and care for her more.
Every night and every day, I have to make the conscious decision to give her to our all mighty Lord and trust that His will and His plan are the best for our little girl. This is not always easy, but I have faith in the Lord.
He has brought us through valley after valley with this little angel. He knows the full picture of her story and we are blessed to be a part of it.
I hope and pray that the other d-moms and d-dads are able to trust in the Lord and find rest in His arms. My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
So for now, I will pray for the dear family that did all they could do to care for their daughter, I will pray for all children affected by this disease, I will pray for all the siblings of Type 1 diabetics (because their worlds are rocked by this disease too), I will pray for rest in my maker's arms, and I will pray for the fear to be removed from my heart as well as my husband's, so we can enjoy our time and journey with our sweet Addie Bear.
God is good all the time; ALL the time, God is good.