I read this post this morning and it was as if someone was in my head and wrote my thoughts for me...(the changes in red our my thoughts)
My Perspective -- Lost or Closer to Love?
A few weeks ago, the wonderful Meri wrote a post called LOST. It was awesome. It was profound. It was funny. It was everything that Meri is!
And it made me think.
I don't watch the tv show Lost. But Meri was talking about how the D life can be compared to Lost. How we all got shipwrecked on this island. We did not choose to come here. And we can't leave.
Meri says...
Hmmmm....
What would I choose?
I have a very hard time saying that I would choose THIS life. This D life. Because it does not just affect me. It's not just MY life. It's ADDIE'S life. She is the one who suffers the feelings of high and low blood sugar. It's her body. It's her eyes, and heart, and nerves, and liver, and pancreas. She is the one who will live with complications. She is the one who endures 10 finger sticks every day. She is the one is always connected to a pump. She is the one. It's HER life. And I never take for granted the sobering reality that this disease could take her from us in the middle of the night - with no warning.
So how could I choose that life for her?
I'm not sure I can.
But... if I could be promised that she would live a long and healthy life..... maybe.
For me? It's easier for me. Without Addie put in the mix, I WOULD choose this life.
Yes, I may be crazy. Yes, I realize how hard this road is. Trust me, I know how much it hurts. And I do not expect you to understand or agree with me. If you were to choose a different life, I would find absolutely no fault in that.
But for me....
The past year has been the absolute hardest year of my life. I have slept very little. I have worried A LOT. I have cried. I have sobbed. I have thought that I could not go on.
And... I have learned. I have changed. I have become a different person.
I believe that we were chosen for this life. I believe that God has a plan for us and for some reason, our path includes diabetes. I don't know why. But I trust Him. I know He works all things for good. I know He is always with us. So how could I NOT choose the path that God wants for me?
Because of diabetes, I have a new perspective. I see things differently. My priorities are different. My heart is different.
I've talked many times about being able to see the beauty in the small things. I try hard to notice the small beauties in our world and appreciate them. The pretty wildflower growing along the side of the road. The day of good numbers. The long hugs. The little kisses. The smile on my daughter's face. A beautiful sunset. A dinner with friends.
I try not to take it for granted. And for some reason, that's easier now.
I see more clearly what is important. REALLY important.
It's health. It's family. It's good friends.
I love my job. I love working with children and teaching them to love the Lord and preschool skills. I think that teaching has been my calling for many years.
But guess what? On the worst day of my life - it was not my job that was there for me. It was my family and my friends.
It's so easy to get caught up in the little things.... who said what about who, what extra things the girls are doing, sending your child to the "elite" school, getting your way and being right....
But those are the "little" things... It's not that they are not important. It's not that they don't matter. But all of that- the job, the schools, the clothes, the gossip... It's all temporary. It won't last. Storms will come - of that we can be certain. And not everything will withstand the storm.
The ONLY things that last in this life are family and friends. And I am blessed to have a wonderful family. And I am blessed to have dear friends. Who love me. Who are there for me. Who don't leave me during the storm.
Like Meri, I believe that I am a different person because of diabetes.
And while I may hate what this disease does to my child.... I may hate the fact that we don't sleep and are perpetually exhausted.... I may hate the tediousness of it, the never endingness of the care.... I may hate that playdates, extra activities, school days are always times of worry...I may hate just about everything about diabetes....
I am thankful for the lessons I have learned. The lessons that I continue to learn every day.
Because I KNOW what is important in my life. I KNOW what will stand the test of time. I KNOW.
I know in a way that makes everything else fade. It makes everything else seem like static in the background.
I know in a way that I would not, could not have known without diabetes.
And so I will hold tight to my family and friends. I will keep fighting this disease. And I will offer up a prayer of thanks for the new perspective that is guiding my life.
Because I am not Lost. I know the way.
It reminds me of this song...
Closer to Love by Matt Kearney
She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees
If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away
Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Cause you are all that I've waited for all of my life
You are all that I've waited all of my life
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Diabetes may do alot of things to my daughter. It might do a lot of things to our family. But it has made us stronger. It has shown us what is important. And it's brought us closer... closer to love.
And it made me think.
I don't watch the tv show Lost. But Meri was talking about how the D life can be compared to Lost. How we all got shipwrecked on this island. We did not choose to come here. And we can't leave.
Meri says...
"The characters on LOST this season are in the process of finding out which
would be better…a life where they NEVER landed on the island and NEVER witnessed that trials and horror that existed there, or a life living through the hell on the island, and growing because of it. Loving more. Feeling more. Living more.
Each life brought a different set of values and completely different life perspectives. BUT! It is important to point out that both lives have value and both are worth living.
The running theory for the LOST finale, is that the characters will have a choice…they have lived the life with the island, and they have lived a parallel life where the island never existed. Knowing what they have learned, knowing that both lives have molded them into different people…which life will they ultimately choose? I think they will all choose differently. And I think in our community, it would be the same way. "
Hmmmm....
What would I choose?
I have a very hard time saying that I would choose THIS life. This D life. Because it does not just affect me. It's not just MY life. It's ADDIE'S life. She is the one who suffers the feelings of high and low blood sugar. It's her body. It's her eyes, and heart, and nerves, and liver, and pancreas. She is the one who will live with complications. She is the one who endures 10 finger sticks every day. She is the one is always connected to a pump. She is the one. It's HER life. And I never take for granted the sobering reality that this disease could take her from us in the middle of the night - with no warning.
So how could I choose that life for her?
I'm not sure I can.
But... if I could be promised that she would live a long and healthy life..... maybe.
For me? It's easier for me. Without Addie put in the mix, I WOULD choose this life.
Yes, I may be crazy. Yes, I realize how hard this road is. Trust me, I know how much it hurts. And I do not expect you to understand or agree with me. If you were to choose a different life, I would find absolutely no fault in that.
But for me....
The past year has been the absolute hardest year of my life. I have slept very little. I have worried A LOT. I have cried. I have sobbed. I have thought that I could not go on.
And... I have learned. I have changed. I have become a different person.
I believe that we were chosen for this life. I believe that God has a plan for us and for some reason, our path includes diabetes. I don't know why. But I trust Him. I know He works all things for good. I know He is always with us. So how could I NOT choose the path that God wants for me?
Because of diabetes, I have a new perspective. I see things differently. My priorities are different. My heart is different.
I've talked many times about being able to see the beauty in the small things. I try hard to notice the small beauties in our world and appreciate them. The pretty wildflower growing along the side of the road. The day of good numbers. The long hugs. The little kisses. The smile on my daughter's face. A beautiful sunset. A dinner with friends.
I try not to take it for granted. And for some reason, that's easier now.
I see more clearly what is important. REALLY important.
It's health. It's family. It's good friends.
I love my job. I love working with children and teaching them to love the Lord and preschool skills. I think that teaching has been my calling for many years.
But guess what? On the worst day of my life - it was not my job that was there for me. It was my family and my friends.
It's so easy to get caught up in the little things.... who said what about who, what extra things the girls are doing, sending your child to the "elite" school, getting your way and being right....
But those are the "little" things... It's not that they are not important. It's not that they don't matter. But all of that- the job, the schools, the clothes, the gossip... It's all temporary. It won't last. Storms will come - of that we can be certain. And not everything will withstand the storm.
The ONLY things that last in this life are family and friends. And I am blessed to have a wonderful family. And I am blessed to have dear friends. Who love me. Who are there for me. Who don't leave me during the storm.
Like Meri, I believe that I am a different person because of diabetes.
And while I may hate what this disease does to my child.... I may hate the fact that we don't sleep and are perpetually exhausted.... I may hate the tediousness of it, the never endingness of the care.... I may hate that playdates, extra activities, school days are always times of worry...I may hate just about everything about diabetes....
I am thankful for the lessons I have learned. The lessons that I continue to learn every day.
Because I KNOW what is important in my life. I KNOW what will stand the test of time. I KNOW.
I know in a way that makes everything else fade. It makes everything else seem like static in the background.
I know in a way that I would not, could not have known without diabetes.
And so I will hold tight to my family and friends. I will keep fighting this disease. And I will offer up a prayer of thanks for the new perspective that is guiding my life.
Because I am not Lost. I know the way.
It reminds me of this song...
Closer to Love by Matt Kearney
She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees
If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away
Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Cause you are all that I've waited for all of my life
You are all that I've waited all of my life
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Diabetes may do alot of things to my daughter. It might do a lot of things to our family. But it has made us stronger. It has shown us what is important. And it's brought us closer... closer to love.
